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(lunchtime at the cafeteria in school)

  • Lola: Thanks, Martha. Tommy, I'll see you near my table, okay?
  • Tommy: Same here, Lola. Okay, Martha, what have you got on the menu?
  • Martha: Well, our special of the day is a cheeseburger with french fries and ketchup.
  • Tommy: I'll take that. Oh, and Martha, could you give me seconds, I need some for a friend of mine.
  • Martha: Well, all right, but I still don't understand why this Clyde kid doesn't want to live in the Bay Area, he looks like a nice guy.
  • Tommy: He just prefers to live in the wild, I guess. (heads to the table where Lola is)
  • Lola: He's right outside, Tommy.
  • Tommy: Thanks, Lola. (heads outside as we see Clyde putting on sunscreen) Here you go, Clyde, a special burger with fries for a special friend.
  • Clyde: Why thanks, Tommy. I sure am obliged, I love these things, but it's always a little tricky eating one. Pardon me. (takes the food and eats them in private)
  • Lola: Clyde sure is happy to try out the cafeteria food.
  • Tommy: He maybe a wild child, but he has a thing for a few city things.
  • Clyde: All done. My compliments to the chef. Well, I gotta get back to the jungle, Tommy, I need a bath. I'll be at your house later, okay?
  • Tommy: Okay.
  • Clyde: See you later, kids. (Tarzan yells and swings off via vines)
  • Lola: What a child.
  • (later, Clyde returns to the jungle, heads for the river and up to Franny.
  • Clyde: Got the water ready, Franny? (Franny nods) Well then, time to get this stinky thing off. (Clyde grabs his loincloth and rips it off, he steps out of it, picks it up, and smells it.) Phew! Boy, that's ripe. (he hangs it up and gets into the water) Okay, Franny, do your thing. (Franny raises her trunk, trumpets, and starts spraying water on Clyde like a shower rod. Meanwhile, Dr. Kamikazi is sneaking around from behind the bushes.)
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Whoa! What in the world is that repulsive thing?!
  • Clyde: (unaware, turns around) Mm-mm! Nothing like a hot bath to make a kid feel like a new hero!
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Clyde the Wild Boy. But where's his loincloth? (sees it hanging on a hook) Wow! Wait a minute! That's it! I think I found out how to get Robotboy once and for all! (Dr. Kamikazi tiptoes through the fields and grabs the loincloth, leaves the jungle, and locks Clyde in) Hope you like long showers, feral boy!
  • (Later, at Dr. Kamikazi's lair, Dr. Kamikazi arrives with Clyde's loincloth)
  • Constantine: Was there an accident? What is that?
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Our ticket to Robotboy, Constantine, that's what that is!
  • Constantine: Oh no, you can't be serious, boss.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: As serious as a shark attack!
  • (Back in the jungle, Franny stops spraying Clyde and Clyde climbs out of the river and dries his face with a towel, and wraps it around his body)
  • Clyde: (happily) Aaaaaahhh! Now it's time to dry out my stinky loincloth! (Clyde walks over to the hook and notices his loincloth is gone) What the heck?! Maybe I left it outside. (tries to open the door) I'm locked in! (Clyde kicks the door down and steps out, furious) Some arch enemy stole my things and broke into my home! My home! (he rips the towel off his body) I'm going to get that son of a Donnie Turnbull! (gets onto Franny and they run off. Back at the lair, Dr. Kamikazi has put on some moleskin and Clyde's loincloth but still has the glasses on)
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Wish me luck, Constantine.
  • Constantine: (about the costume) Repulsive.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Heh heh. This is gonna work like a charm.
  • (Kamikazi Clyde stumbles out of lair, down the road, and bumps into Katie Jones.)
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (speaking through the costume) Watch where you're going, Tomboy kid!
  • Katie: Clyde, you don't look so good. Hey, you got to stop watching so much Teen Titans Go, most notably episodes that have Lady Legasus in them. That stuff will rot your insides.
  • Dr. Kamikazi/Kamikazi Clyde: Lies! LIES! Lady Legasus will always be my favorite Teen Titans Go hero!
  • Katie: Clyde, you don't sound like yourself.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (trying to sound like an American) No, Clyde is himself. No reason to be suspicious in any way, pal. (Kamikazi walks away)
  • Katie: Well, as long as there's no reason to be suspicious. (shrugs)
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (to himself) That was close. I gotta perfect that American drawl. (does a Tarzan yell as he passes by two guys and crashes into the Turnbull house) Hiya, Tommy!
  • Tommy: Clyde, you're here.
  • Dr. Kamikazi/Kamikazi Clyde: Yep, that burger and fries were so good I got to see how you make those burgers.
  • Tommy: Say, Clyde, you look different.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Uh, what are y-you talking about, Tommy? It's your old pal, in the living flesh.
  • Tommy: Yeah, but something about you is different...I just can't put my finger on it.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (to himself) Please don't put your finger on it.
  • Tommy: I got it! You've gotten shorter, and you're wearing glasses.
  • Dr. Kamikazi/Kamikazi Clyde: Uh...yeah. That's...uh...cause...uh...I was recommended glasses now, it's as simple as that.
  • Tommy: Then let's get to playing with Robotboy. (Kamikazi sighs in relief as Tommy brings him out)
  • Robotboy: Tommy, what going on?
  • Tommy: A playdate with Clyde. Aah, the one friend that is Robotboy himself.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Let me stop you there, Turnbull. I'd be much obliged to know how you operate that Robotboy.
  • Tommy: Hohohoho. No can do, buddy. That would require revealing how to work him. And that is explicitly forbidden as per my current labor contract.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Yeah, but this is your old buddy Clyde the Wild Boy. [reads from a feral child book] Why, you and me are as closer and two zebras in the lane.
  • Tommy: Ah, Clyde, 44-929b specifically prohibits the disclosure of the operation of Robotboy to friends, even when those friends are, quote, "closer and two zebras in the lane." (shows Kamikazi Clyde section 44-929b)
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (to himself) Curse you, Professor Moshimo!
  • Tommy: But I can show you all the other ins and outs of making a steamy burger. First, I make sure I'm at the comfortable grilling temperature of 274 degrees. (Tommy sets the grill to 274 degrees) And we are guh-rillin'.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: And approximately how long do you cook a patty?
  • Tommy: A burger is cooked for exactly 283 seconds on each side.
  • Debbie: (sneaking in from the window) I taught him that.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (taking notes) 283 seconds. I can't believe I'm getting all this straight from the source. How could this get any easier?
  • Debbie: Oh, Tommy, your friend Lola is here.
  • Tommy: Hiya, Lola.
  • Lola: Hey, Tommy. Sorry I'm late, but Professor Moshimo asked me if I could borrow his instructional manual on how to fix up Robotboy. I'm just going to leave it out in plain sight.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (to himself) Yes! (Tommy and Lola stare at Kamikazi Clyde)
  • Lola: Yeah... anyway, I'm going to leave it out here while I go to Janet Wolfgang's after school exercise class. Don't let it out of your sight, Tommy.
  • Tommy: (salutes) You can always count on me, Lola!
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (to himself) Oh-ho-ho, man, Robotboy is as good as mine.
  • (Meanwhile, Clyde looks at the town, his lower area is covered up by a bush, while Franny sniffs around for clues with her trunk)
  • Clyde: That no-good burglar who nabbed my loincloth surely came here. Probably wanted to cash it in on the Bay Area black market. Well, not if I catch that burglar first. Come on, Franny. (they head into town and Clyde runs into one of the citizens) Hey, you! You seen anybody in these parts holding a loincloth?
  • Man: (he looks at Clyde's body and laughs hysterically) Look, a naked mole-rat! (more people gather around Clyde and laugh hysterically)
  • Clyde: Mole-rat? What's so funny about getting my loincloth stolen?
  • Random Guy: Clyde, aren't you ashamed to have your nude body exposed?
  • Everyone: Yeah!
  • Clyde: (to himself) With this much attention, that no good loincloth thief see me coming a mile away. I best find something to cover my hind end. (Clyde darts into an alley and hides behind some garbage cans. He notices a speedo on the ground which he puts on) I knew this speedo would come in handy. Now to go catch me some criminals!
  • (back at Tommy's house)
  • Tommy: Now that we're grilling, we can work on the fixings! See, there are two patties here. But before we get into slicing and dicing we always start with the washing. We'll begin with the lettuce.
  • (Tommy begins to wash a slice of lettuce, Plankton watches the Robotboy across the table in front of him)
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Okay, I'll stand on that side for a better view.
  • Robotboy: You weird, Clyde.
  • Tommy: Okey dokey, but pay close attention, for cleanliness is the public's last defense against a life of horrible disease.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: There it is.
  • Tommy: Always ensure that your brush is adequately lathered...always making sure to get both sides...
  • Dr. Kamikazi: That's nice. That's interesting. (Kamikazi Clyde reaches for Robotboy) Almost there.
  • Tommy: (drying the lettuce with the sun rays) Then lay it down onto the drying rack and we'll engage our drying phase, hmm. (Kamikazi Clyde is about to grab Robotboy) Clyde!
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (Panicky) What, nothing!
  • Robotboy: That Kamikazi, not Clyde.
  • Tommy: Remember, never over dry. Otherwise, the lettuce becomes brittle and cracks.
  • (Across town, Clyde is warming his body by a vent, looking around for the thief who took his loincloth)
  • Clyde: That dastardly slimeball's got to be somewhere in these parts. (The speedo becomes too tight and snaps off of Clyde)
  • Cop: Hey, look, a hairless seal! (Clyde, while covering his body with his hands, looks at the police, embarrassed and sheepish)
  • Clyde: Stop laughing at me! You're laughing at the Wild Boy of the Bay Area! (Clyde, embarrassed and humiliated, flees. He runs behind a park bench and a surfboard, covering his body. Bay Area citizens point and laughing hysterically, and a reporter takes a picture.) Tommy, where are you when I need you?!
  • (Back at the house, Tommy is making Kamikazi Clyde finish by putting the top bun on the burger.)
  • Tommy: Steady, steady... nice. Oh, you're off-center by 3.6 millimeters. Mmmph, try it again, Clyde.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (to himself) Aaugh! This is getting so tedious! (then to Tommy) Maybe you should demonstrate a few more times so I can get the hang of it.
  • Tommy: Or, we could address your problem areas directly. Are you struggling with the final wrist flick? Or is your difficulty with the initial transfer move?
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (groans) This just isn't my day.
  • (Meanwhile, Clyde, panting, takes refuge in some bushes)
  • Clyde: I'm tired of running. Time to take a stand. (Clyde steps out of the bushes. A random woman gasps and turns her baby's stroller away from Clyde)
  • Woman: A nudist feral! (Another woman pushes her kids away)
  • Random Woman: Get in the car, kids.
  • Clyde: It's not my fault, I...(An angry crowd pelts Clyde with tomatoes. He dives back into the bushes and notices an open manhole) I better go underground. (Clyde jumps into the manhole and hides in the sewer, feeling miserable) Oh, what am I going to do? If I'm ever going to catch this thug, I'm going to need some help. (grabs his cellphone and talks into it) Hello, Lola, which way through the sewers is Tommy's street?
  • (Back at the house, Kamikazi Clyde tries to put the bun on again)
  • Tommy: Oh, still off by that much. Try it again. (Kamikazi groans, but tries again) Ooh, try again (Kamikazi tries again) Mmm, try again. (Kamikazi tries again) Oh, try again. (Kamikazi tries again) Oh, try again. (Kamikazi tries again) Eh, try again.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (extremely frustrated) Arrrgghh! You try it again! I'm making my move! (he grabs Robotboy) It's finally mine! Time to kick this baby into four-paw drive! (Kamikazi Clyde tries to run off)
  • Tommy: Clyde, wait, we can work this out! Huh? (Clyde enters Tommy's house through the through a hole in the floor and immediately notices the impostor)
  • Clyde: My loincloth!
  • Tommy: Mom, a burglar is making off with my toy!
  • Debbie: Don't worry, son, I'm calling the cops! (dials 911)
  • Clyde: (taps Tommy on the shoulder) Tommy, it's me! That guy over there is not me!
  • Tommy: Clyde, you're naked! And you don't have any clothes on!
  • Clyde: I know, we'll discuss this later. (jumps out of the hole) Unhand my loincloth, you unknown stealer!
  • Tommy: (realizes something) Wait! If you're Clyde, then who's that?
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Oh, I guess you found me out. (rips off his costume to reveal his true look) Only from my cold, dead body!
  • Clyde: Dr. Kamikazi! I should have known this was your doing! Now feel this! (Clyde punches Dr. Kamikazi) Hi-yah! (The costume is punched and knocked into the wall and slumps over. Sandy puts back on his loincloth and Kamikazi and Robotboy fly out. Tommy catches Robotboy, Clyde catches Dr. Kamikazi) Gotcha! And now for the appropriate punishment for a no-good, impersonator like yourself. (squeezes mustard into his eyes)
  • Dr. Kamikazi: My eyes! This condiment is highly irritating to my eyes!
  • Clyde: I've said it before, and I'll say it again. no one can out stand me, Clyde, the Wild Boy of the jungle! (kicks Dr. Kamikazi out of the house) And stay out! (Kamikazi lands flat on his face)
  • Debbie: The police are on their way to arrest the impostor.
  • Tommy: Thanks mom.
  • (outside, a police car arrives and the cops surround Dr. Kamikazi)
  • Dr. Kamikazi: I swear officers, I didn't know this would happen!
  • Cop: Oh, we don't care about the fact that you're Japanese, we're here because of what you just did.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: What?
  • Cop: We're the Bay Area police. You're under arrest for having the wild visitor be laughed at in the nude and trying to impersonate him.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: (as the cops cuff him) Dang, tough crowd.
  • Cop: But don't fret. You'll look just fine in prison orange.
  • Dr. Kamikazi: Turnbull, you have not seen the last of me! I'll be back! And you can bet on it! (the police car drives him away)
  • Debbie: Thank you, Clyde, thanks.
  • Clyde: (blushes) Uh, no problem, Debbie. (fade in to Tommy's room) And then Dr. Kamikazi came into the house and tried to imitate me! That's why I was late.
  • Tommy: So, you had to come all the way to the Bay Area in the nude, just to retrieve your loincloth?
  • Clyde: That's right, Tommy.
  • Tommy: You could've just borrowed clothes from some of the neighbors here in town.
  • Clyde: I know, I know, but they laughed at me. I don't think I can ever step foot in this town again, loincloth or no loincloth.
  • Lola: (steps in) Hey Clyde, I just got word from the town that they said they're sorry and you're welcome any time you want.
  • Clyde: Do they really mean it?
  • Lola: And it says "P.S. We really mean it."
  • Clyde: Well, in that case, my work here is done. I better head back to the jungle.
  • Tommy: Head back to the jungle what do you mean? You just got here.
  • Clyde: The mission for my loincloth took so long, we're out of time! But I guarantee you, I'll be here again tomorrow to make up for it. I just have to go to the store to see if I could by me some security cameras for the jungle. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? (does a Tarzan yell and flies out the window)
  • Tommy: Like I said, you never know when he's coming over or how he does it.
  • Lola: You said it.
  • Clyde: (as he swings on his vine, his loincloth rips off, falling to the ground) Oh, no, not again! Franny! (blushes) Oh, I am so embarrassed.
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